So is there anyone else out there who can’t meditate? I know how good it is supposed to be for me. My counsellor wants me to try and incorporate it into my daily routine. Dyan has mentioned that she finds it incredibly helpful. The science is out there. The proof is in the pudding (is that the correct expression, I never get my idioms right!). And I’ve tried. I’ve read the books, downloaded the apps, watched the youtube videos and every time I try it, it’s like my brain does the opposite of what it is supposed to do and kicks into even higher gear. It’s like if my little hamster on the wheel drank a Red Bull. Is there anyone else who experiences this?
I have found that there are a few activities I can do that cause my brain to finally decompress and stop remembering every awkward thing I have ever done. Every morning, I have these crows that come visit me. I’ve been feeding them peanuts and now I’m pretty sure they recognize me as the thrower of the peanuts. So I pour my coffee and throw out the peanuts and I sit and watch them first thing in the morning. They make a lot of noise and hop about and try and fit as many peanuts as they can into their beak. While I do this, I don’t think about my day, or my plans, or the million things on my To Do list, it’s just me and the crows (and probably some neighbours staring at me strangely).
I also like to go for grid road tours and I most definitely get this from my dad, who could spend all day driving as long as it wasn’t in the city. I remember as a kid, he knew all the words to the songs on the oldie station and he’d point out all the birds and deer and crops. Now, when I head out, I have my binoculars and camera and I always make sure to text him and let him know what I’m seeing and I think it makes him happy to know that I’m out scouting around, just like he used to do. Driving on these grid roads always brings me a sense of calm, a calm that I rarely feel when I’m in the city. Dyan says that this is a form of meditation that she calls Active Occupation. I’m not sure if it is the driving or the connection to my dad that brings me the peace of mind, but whatever it is, it works every time.
So here is the truth of it. I am incredibly bad at saying no to projects and time management is not a strength of mine. I tend to run on the anxious side of things and drink incredible amounts of caffeine to fuel through my days. I am like this little motor that just revs higher and higher and then inevitably floods the motor and I stall out and crash while I recover. I know I am not the only one out there who relates to what I am saying here. This last year, as the world slowed down, I became so painfully aware of just how much I relied on busyness. As long as I was busy then I was productive and being productive all the time is good right? I mean being productive is good. Making things, creating art, writing, cooking whatever you enjoy, you should do. But taking time to just not do things is also okay. So tomorrow, or sometime this week, take the back road somewhere. Watch the crows. Sing along to the oldies station. Find the thing that just makes your brain turn off. Everything will still be there when you’re done, I promise.
Comments